Here’s Why I Never Jump Queues In Supermarkets.
Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction.
March 25, 2020.
Dear Diary,
I am not going to jump a queue ever again. Especially in a supermarket. Let me tell you why.
Yesterday, a nation-wide lockdown was imposed in India. Prime Minister Narendra Modi came on to our television screens and made an announcement stating that all economic activity would have to be halted for 3 weeks as it was the only way to fight the COVID-19 Pandemic. He called it a “lockdown”. This COVID virus is really quite deadly. It can apparently kill people by reducing their ability to breathe. How horrible!
Nevertheless, one benefit of COVID is the “lockdown”. I desperately needed that. I had to give a presentation on consumer exploitation in college today, one that I was not prepared for well. So, this announcement came as a huge relief to me.
Also, it struck me that I would have to go today to the nearest supermarket, RD’s, to make my weekly round to purchase some groceries.
Today, I woke up at 6:30 A.M. I immediately freshened up, had a light breakfast and went jogging to the supermarket. RD’s, as you know, is only a 15 minute walk from my apartment. The lockdown was clearly visible. There were no cars on the street. Hardly any people on the road either.
However, as I reached closer I saw a huge queue outside the supermarket. There queue stretched about a kilometer from the front entrance of RD’s. It was as if Apple had decided to sell the iPhone 12 in the grocery store. Ironically, when I got into the store, I saw that all the apples (the fruit) were out of stock, although I was the first one to get in. But more on that later.
I figured I would have to come back later when the crowd had thinned and started back home. When I was about 400 meters away from my apartment, something bumped into me from behind. I felt like I had been rammed by a car. I fell down flat on my face with the impact.
“Hey! Sorry there! I was texting someone and got distracted.”, said an unnaturally deep voice from behind me. I was going to give “Deep Voice” a piece of my mind and turned around but instead of saying “Can’t you watch where you’re going?”, I screamed “Aahh!!” at the top of my voice and fell down.
I was expecting a car and a person, but there was only a huge man, about 2 meters tall, bald with a wheatish complexion and he was wearing a mask like this:
He looked like Bane from the Dark Knight Rises! What I assumed was a car was actually just a man! I was a little afraid of this imposing guy. But the Bane lookalike was actually quite nice. He helped me up and said, “Hey! I’m really sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”
I replied, “No, that’s not necessary. I was just returning from the supermarket because there’s a large queue outside the store. I’ll go back later and pick up whatever I need.”
“Oh! I’m going there anyway! I’ll help you get your supplies quickly.” the Bane doppleganger replied.
“I’d love that. But how is that possible? Do you know somebody in the supermarket?”, I asked curiously.
“Well, yes! My name is Raj Diir, the owner of the supermarket you want to go to.”, he replied.
“You mean RD’s is short for Raj Diir’s?”, I asked incredulously. He nodded in agreement.
It dawned upon me that the person I was talking to was the multi-millionaire retail tycoon famous all over town. I suddenly felt small in his presence, I mean smaller than I felt before.
“Why don’t you come over to my store?”
Before I could respond, he said “Come on, you can tag along with me. I’ll help you skip the queue.”
I was elated and tagged along, (while maintaining a safe distance of course). I was getting a free pass into the store ! That was the best apology I could have asked for.
On our way to the store, we had a pretty good chat and introduced ourselves. Mr. Diir had two daughters, one aged, 8 and the other, 5. He had started his first store in the year 1998 and since then he not looked back. I also told him that I was a college student studying commerce at Samson’s college.
We walked right up to the entrance ignoring the crowd and entered the store. Some people started protesting but the security guard told them that we were the owners.
Once inside, Mr. Diir told me, “Pick up whatever you want.” I looked back at him and asked, “Anything?”
“Yeah! Anything. You’ll have to pay of course. Ha ha!”, he replied with a smile.
“Of course. I’ll pay.” Much better than waiting outside the store.
That was enough for me. I went on a shopping spree and picked up all the things I would need for a few weeks – bread, eggs, biscuits, chips and the lot.
When I took all the items to the counter to get my items billed, Mr. Diir said, “Let me bill all your items.”
He then told the young girl at the counter to step aside and proceeded to bill my items himself. Amazing. A multimillionaire was billing my groceries just because he had bumped into me. What a nice man!
Or so I thought.
“That’ll be 2,000 rupees.”, he replied after billing my items.
“2,000 rupees!! I didn’t purchase that much. They’re all day-to-day items.”
“Yes, I’m charging you an extra 500 bucks. You see, I did give you an entry into my store as a preferential customer. That’s frowned upon in our stores. Everyone is equal in our stores.”, he replied without showing any emotion.
“You’re charging me 500 bucks extra for ‘preferential treatment’! I thought you did that because you knocked me down. Also, how is charging someone more ‘equal’?” I answered back in a fit of rage.
“Well, it is up to you. I said I would help you get into the store quickly. I didn’t say I would help you get out quickly, did I?” Mr. Diir replied with a smirk. One of the security guards also came dangerously close to make sure I didn’t make a run for it with my purchases.
“Think about it. You’ll be waiting here for a while.” said Mr. Diir.
“What if I do decide to wait?” I asked him.
“You will be allowed to leave with your items only if you make the extra payment. If you don’t we’ll announce that you got preferential treatment but refused to pay. Then you can deal with the crowd outside.”
Smart guy. He knew I wouldn’t be able to deal with the crowd. The crowd was already angry and people were arguing with one of the guards outside as to how we had been allowed in. That’s when an idea struck me.
“Alright. You win!” I said and put my hands up.
“Very good. You’re very sensible. That’ll be 2000 rupees. The guard will help you with your bags.” Bane replied with glee.
“Oh no no! I’m not buying anything.” I replied.
“What?” Bane was perplexed.
“I just came into your store because you asked me to. Aren’t you the one who gave me the ‘preferential treatment’? If the crowd were to learn of this there would be an uproar. Your whole clientele would disappear. Just like all the cars from the streets, due to the lockdown.” I replied in a surprisingly confident manner.
“But.. But. No.. No one would believe you.”, Bane was stuttering.
“Customer is king. Plus Twitter also helps.” I started unlocking my phone.
“Wait! Wait! You can’t.” Mr. Diir pleaded.
“Oh! Why not?” I asked casually while looking here and there.
“Alright. I’ll give you the items for the regular price.”, he relented.
“I thought you would consider a discount.”, I said. It felt great to turn the tables on someone who had tried to rip off a customer. However, suddenly…
Mr. Diir started pleading and broke down.
“I’m closing down this store shortly. In fact, I’m closing down the entire chain because of heavy debts and losses. Please. Don’t make me give you a discount. Don’t post bad stuff on Twitter. My children are very young. Their only dream is to go to on a one-month Caribbean cruise, visit a 100 countries before they turn 18 and see a reindeer in Finland. Shouldn’t a parent even give this much to their child.” He was weeping loudly, by the time he was finished.
I didn’t know what to say, mainly because I had doubts regarding the existence of reindeers.
For the next 25 minutes, the security guard, I and the counter girl consoled Mr. Diir. Well, they consoled him. I tried to tell him reindeers could not possibly be real and even if they were they would be found in the North Pole, not in Finland! That made him cry even more. Apparently, it had been his dream to see reindeers as well and there were no direct flights to the North Pole.
The security guard went into the home supplies aisle and brought Mr.Diir some tissue paper. After Mr.Diir had satisfactorily relieved his nasal cavities, he said to me, “Don’t worry. You don’t have to pay for the box. Just for the tissues that I used.”
I was quite fed up at this point and relented, “Ok. Ok. Whatever you say, Mr. Reindeer. I mean.. Mr.Diir.”
Disclaimer: All the characters, names, localities, brands and persons are fictional. Any resemblance to any real person/name/locality/brand is purely coincidental.
